Friday, February 1, 2013

I'm fabulous.

In the book of my life, 2012 is a chapter marked by dating wins and fails, ridiculous makeout stories, hard lessons regarding the value of breaking up with a guy simply because your gut tells you to, and the most important discovery of all:

I am my own girlfriend.

If your mind is in the gutter, get it out now. This is not a weird Narcissus situation. It's just the most concrete, tangible way I've found to remind myself that I set the tone for how others are allowed to treat me by how I treat myself. If a guy can't match how satisfied, happy, free, and content with life I make myself feel, he's not allowed to get a title.

This concept was an ambiguous goo permeating my life in the form of self-esteem since forever, but I didn't really get it until I started dating a variety of men in high volume as an adult woman. It's different on this side of the fence. I now have exterior lovers to compare my self-love to. Some great, some awful.

RuPaul said it best, “Honey, if you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love someone else?…..Can I get an amen?" 


You better work. 

I discovered that what they say to overworked mothers in parenting magazines is true--it's not inappropriately selfish to take good care of yourself. You are better able to give to others when you give to yourself first once in a while.

I don't have babies to take care of, but I do get way to invested in too many projects/activities/ideas/people, spread myself far to thin, emotionally exhaust myself and find myself confused at how I got to that point.

I forget to put my emotional, physical, mental, even spiritual well-being above having fun or saying yes about the wrong things to the wrong people. 

Enough of that.

If you're being your own girlfriend:

You work, meaning you achieve things and feel a deep sense of accomplishment. You are impressed by yourself. In other words: you have active self-esteem.

You do nice things for yourself (within reason), like  splurge on exotic snacks once in a while, take yourself on a little vaycay to see your best friend, refuse to respond to annoying text messages from lonely dudes.

You enjoy your own company. A night in, alone, sounds awesome because it's a choice to simply do what you want to do without anyone else's approval. A night out, alone, sounds awesome too. The first time you hit up a movie theater alone it's a bit scary/weird, but you just gotta get used to it. Laugh as loud as you want. Sneak in as much candy as you want. Sit your fat ass next to a hot guy on "accident." Be fabulous and do you.

You say no to things that aren't a priority.

You don't apologize for liking what you like. The guy who truly wants to be your boyfriend likes your quirks, likes the things you get embarrassed about, likes the fact that you have scars. Can you say the same thing for yourself? You better.

What do you do to be your own girlfriend? 

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